Comedy Circuit

My kids are an endless source of comic relief in my day. I'm using this page to record their witticisms, without much commentary from me.

Me: My gosh! Those clouds are SO dark!
Bronte: I know! They are so Voldemortyish.

That's totally my new favorite word.
Me: Carys, you are taking a nap today because you have been whining and told me you didn't get good sleep last night.

Carys: Mommy! Mommy, no! I was mistaken. I did get good sleeps last night. I did! (Bursts into tears).

Naptime, here we come.
 Me: Carys, you need to go get dressed.

Abuelito:  Chloe, where is the dictionary?
Chloe: What's a dictionary?
Abuelito: The thing where you look up what things mean!
Chloe:  You mean Google?


Carys (in tears):  Chloe, you know, God made you nice, but you just keep trying to be mean!


Carys: Mommy, put me to bed right now.
Me: Hey! You're not the boss of me. I'm the boss of you.
Carys: I know that, Mommy. I have a brain. Why do you think my head is so puffy?

After coloring my hair this morining:
Me: Girls, I think my hair turned out too red. Do I look like a clown?
Carys: Of course not, Mommy. Clowns have different noses.


The girls just came into my office to get paper and scissors.

Me: What are you all doing?
Bronte: Playing "Extreme Couponing."
Me: What is that?
Bronte: It's kind of like hoarding. Only organized.

Carys: "'Jesus died and was raised back to life again.' First Nescalonians 4:14"
Driving past a Taco Bell this morning:

Carys:  There's Dora's house!
Chloe: That's not Dora's house. That's Taco Bell. Dora lives in Texas and doesn't even know that tacos exist.
Bronte: Actually, she lives in Mexico and there are tacos everywhere.


We watched The Sound of Music last week. It was the first time the girls had seen it. By the time it got to the Mother Superior singing "Climb Every Mountain," Chloe groans: "Ugh! What's with all the singing?


Carys: When I grow up, I'm going to marry Daddy.
Me: But I already married him.
Carys:  That' s okay. I'll just wait till your dead.


Me: Carys, you have to stop sleeping in my bed.  You kick me too much.
Carys: But, Mommy, it's just because you are so beautiful.  
Me: Aw! That is so sweet!
Carys:  Well, also because my feet are cold.

Carys: "Mommy, why were you teary-eyed listening to that song?"
Me:     "Because I was feeling sad that my sister is moving."
Carys:  "Bunny is your sister? I had no idea!"
Chloe (with contempt):  "That's embarrassing."

My mother to Chloe:  "Chloe, you have the best nails on earth."
Chloe:  "Thanks. But, actually, tigers do."


Carys: Mommy! I've been looking for you!
Me: Why?
Carys: Because I don't want you to disappear, obviously.


Abuelito: Why isn't your Barbie dressed?
Carys: Because she's trashy.
Abuelito:She needs clothes.
Carys: That's the point! Trashy girls are inappropriate!


Bronte: But why did Voldemort try to kill Harry Potter?
Chloe: Cuz he's a jerk. And a hobo.

Overheard as the girls were upstairs getting ready for CC:

Carys: "Do not be afraid. God is with you. Joshua 1:9"
Bronte: "Go get your toothbrush. Bronte 5:2"
Chloe: "Do not be sassy. John 6:7!"



Carys snuggled up to me last night and whispered sweetly in my ear: "Just so you know, I will never hate you." I think that means I will always love you in 4-yr-old speak. :)


I thought we were getting Carys to Disney at a young enough age that she would believe everything was real. Bronte and Chloe were great about playing along, but at the Epcot Character Spot, Carys pulled me aside and asked: "Is this real? Because I saw a face in Pluto's mouth."


Overheard this morning:

Bronte: "Carys, hurry up and get dressed."
Chloe: "Seriously, Carys. You need to brush your teeth, too!"
Carys: "Dear Jesus, please make my sisters stop being bossy."


Me: "Girls, my head hurts so badly, I can't even see straight."
Carys: "Can you see sideways?"


Carys has been asking a lot of questions about God this week. Today's food for thought? "Can God build a house with his teeth?"


Driving to church:

Carys: "Mommy, Jesus died on the cross for our sins."
Me: "Yes, He did. And what are sins?"
Carys: "Your guts."


While previewing some of the upcoming school year materials online, the girls and I were looking at map of Europe. 

Carys: What's that?
Me: This is what you are going to be learning about!Carys: When?
Me: When we start school in a few weeks!
Carys: Ah. No, thank you.


Chloe: "Goodnight, Carys!"
Carys: "Nite!"
Bronte: "Goodnight, Carys!"
Carys: "G'nite. I hope your teeth fall out!"

...(In her defense, she just figured out losing teeth=money)


So, earlier today Chloe yelled downstairs, "Mommy, we're giving Carys a makeover and I'm afraid she might catch on fire!" (Of course, I checked to make sure nothing flammable was involved). I just asked her why she said it in the first place and she replied: "I admit, that was a little over the top."


I guess I forgot to buy the pulp-free OJ. Chloe just complained, "Ew! Mommy, this orange juice has pollen in it!"


Mom to Chloe: "Heaven is God's throne and the earth is His footstool."
Chloe: "So, basically He's stepping on us?"


Me to Chloe: "You need to stop whining, asap!"
Chloe (whining): "I'm not an asap!"


Carys, trying to decide what to wear to church tomorrow: "Does this dress make me look four?" ;-)


‎"Please silence your cell phones. And your mouths." --Chloe, before reading us her new book on bats this morning.


Carys REALLY hates to be told to go potty. When I reminded her to go a few minutes ago, she stomped off yelling, "I wish God didn't make toilets!"


Carys is trying to grasp the concept of April Fool's Day. She just told me she saw a tarantula, then said, "I'm kidding, fool!"


Teaching the girls about symbols of America. Bronte lists the 10 we are memorizing perfectly. Chloe's version includes: the Liperty Bell, Seagull, and Uncle Frank. God love her!


Chloe: "Mommy, is St. Patrick that little cartoon guy on tv selling graham crackers?"


Me: Carys, are you ready to go upstairs to bed? 

Carys: Yes, now let's vamanos. 

Gotta love Dora.


Carys: "Mommy, I love you. But I don't love Black Widows." Alrighty, then. :)


The girls are keeping me entertained today. I told Chloe I was making Moroccan Stew for dinner. She promptly runs off to tell her sister: "Bronte! Mommy's making Rotten Stew for dinner!" Was that a misnomer or a not-so-subtle assessment of my cooking skills?!


Carys (while wearing the Sleeping Beauty costume for the 2nd day in a row): Mommy, can we go to Disney Wowld? 

Me: Yes. 

Carys: Today? 

Me: Not today. It's very far away. 

Carys: Pweeeeeez? I pwomise I won't say "Are we dawe yet!"


Listening to the girls play "surprise party." Carys is the guest of honor and has requested a game of pin the tail on the donkey, or, as she apparently thinks its called, "Honkey on the Horse."


Carys: Can I have a snack? Me: No, it's naptime, plus you just had a snack. Carys: But I don't feel any flavor in my neck!!


Carys has been asking for a cupcake for the last two hours, but I keep telling her no bc she didn't finish her lunch. Latest installment: 

Carys--Can I have pupcake? 

Me--No, because you didn't finish your lunch. 

Carys--Can we PLEASE stop talking about my sandwich?!


So, my kids have never seen the Wizard of Oz but it's on right now. Chloe just saw the Tin Man and said "What a dumb looking robot." I have failed as both a mother and a film buff!


Me: Uh, oh, who moved my cookbook? 

Carys: Not me! 

Bronte: In this family, everyone blames everyone else when we can't find something. 

Chloe: Yup! That's how we roll!


Bronte's response to the the Star Trek movie: "I hate action movies. They're too actiony."


Quizzed the girls on last week's history lesson over lunch. 

Me: "Heiroglyphics are on ____." 

Bronte: "Fire." 

Me: "The Egyptians made paper out of pa____" 

Bronte: "Polenta?" 


Back to the drawing board...


Practicing for Junior Bible Quiz. 

Me: "The Bible is divided into what two sections? 

Chloe: "The Old Sentiment and the New Sentiment."



Chloe: "Mommy, when I grow up, and you and Daddy are dead, can I have a picture of you guys?" 

Me: "Uh, you can have one now if you want."


Chloeism du jour: "Here's why I don't like cave man people: They never know what they're doing."



I sure love Bronte but she's not the most practical girl in the world: 

Bronte: "Mommy, I need you to pinch me so hard, I cry." 

Me: "Why?!" 

Bronte: "Because my eyes are SO dry!" Sigh.


Carys: Mommy, why are you wearing your glasses?

Me: Because I'm going blind. 

Carys: Can I come?



Anthony to Chloe: "Who was the first President of the U.S.?" 

Chloe: "Abraham Bush?" 

Guess I have some work to do!


So much for trying to have two babies nap in the same house: I put my niece Abbey to bed in Carys's crib and Carys down in my bed. No sooner did Abbey fall asleep than Carys crept out of my room, kicked in Abbey's door and yelled "COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!!!!!"



Taking the girls roller skating this morning. When I said I might try to skate Chloe said "It'll be okay Mommy. Don't be ashamed."



Started the morning off with a Chloe-ism: "Good morning, Mommy. I'm thirsty. I need the reality of milk."